


You're Standing Here Beside Me

by Kassiopeia



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: 5 + 1 Things, Big Brother Evan Buckley, Bobby is Buck's Dad, Fluff, Found Family, Gen, M/M, Mama Bear Athena, May-centric fic, May/Albert if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-27
Updated: 2020-04-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:00:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,248
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23871271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kassiopeia/pseuds/Kassiopeia
Summary: In the beginning, May doesn’t know much about Evan “Buck” Buckley.Also known as my 1 + 5 + 1 Buck & May sibling fic or "1 time May finds out she has a big brother, 5 times Buck and May are totally siblings and 1 time May and Buck spend time with the rest of their family.
Relationships: Evan "Buck" Buckley & Bobby Nash, Evan "Buck" Buckley & Christopher Diaz & Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley & May Grant (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz
Comments: 64
Kudos: 791
Collections: 9-1-1 Tales





	You're Standing Here Beside Me

**Author's Note:**

> Shout out to @elisela and @nilshki for proofreading this for me. Any remaining mistakes are the result of my devotion to strange punctuation.
> 
> Trigger warning: there is a graphic description of a panic attack that happens in section 6.

In the beginning, May doesn’t know much about Evan “Buck” Buckley other than the fact that he’s the youngest firefighter at the 118 and that he’s kind of, sort of, a bit reckless. She’s met him a few times at various first responder charity events or family gatherings. He’s good-looking, outgoing and easily excitable but May wouldn’t say she  _ knows  _ him and that’s okay with her. She doesn’t think anything of it.

\---1---

It starts when May comes home for dinner one evening.

After school had finished for the day, she’d gone over to her friend Sasha’s house for a few hours. They’d been working to finish a science project but admittedly, had spent just as much time scrolling through Instagram and giggling at funny videos on YouTube.

Now, as May enters through the front door, she calls out “I’m home!” to anyone who is listening and turns to lock the door behind her just like her mother taught her. May places her shoes neatly on the shoe rack before coming down the stairs to throw her backpack on the coffee table. Tired, she plops down on the well-worn sofa and leans her head back against the armrest. In the kitchen, her mother is on the phone, a serious look on her face, but she smiles and nods her head as her daughter makes eye contact. With the phone wedged between her ear and her shoulder, May watches as her mother skillfully slides a casserole dish into the oven. Curious, the young teen turns her head to try and catch what she can of the one-sided conversation.

“Okay, Bobby. Keep me updated. I’ll save you something to eat when you get home… I love you too. Take care of our boy.”

With those words, Athena closes the oven door and starts removing the oven mitts from her hands. May sits up a little straighter, worried now that Bobby clearly isn’t going to make it home for dinner as planned and that someone needs taking care of. At first, she panics and thinks something has happened to Harry but after a moment, she realizes she can hear Harry playing video games in his bedroom and her heartbeat settles.

“Mom? Where’s Bobby? Is everything okay?”

Athena sets the oven mitts on the counter beside the oven and comes to sit next to May on the couch. She wraps her arm around her daughter and May breathes in the familiar scent of her mother’s perfume, relaxing even more.

“Hey baby,” Athena greets her, kissing her on the head. “Everything’s just fine. Bobby’s at the hospital. Buckaroo got knocked in the head during a rescue today and the doctors want to keep him overnight just to be safe. Bobby just went to keep him company.”

May is silent as she takes the information in. She snuggles further into her mother’s arms, lost in thought.

Out of all the firefighters at the 118, it seems that Buck is the one that gets injured the most (likely because he’s the one who always dives head-first into danger). In the past year or so since Bobby has been in their lives, she estimates that Buck has been taken to the hospital on no less than seven different occasions. Each time, Bobby has dropped everything to be there for the young firefighter, often bringing him meals or spending the night in the waiting room whenever possible. There’s a part of May that wonders if that’s unusual.

May knows that Bobby is a great Captain. He cares about the members of his firehouse like they’re his family and in a way, May knows that some of them are: her Auntie Hen, Auntie Hen’s best friend, Chimney, the new recruit, Eddie Diaz, and of course, Buck. The 118 is close, that much is obvious, but there’s just something different about the way Bobby treats Buck. Bobby would go above and beyond for any of his teammates but for Buck, he goes just that little bit further and May doesn’t quite understand why.

May startles, peering up at her mother who has her eyes closed and her head leaned back against the couch.

“Mom?” she asks tentatively.

Athena opens her eyes slowly and lets May know she’s listening.

“Why does Bobby worry so much about Buck and why is Bobby the one who always has to take care of Buck when he’s in the hospital? Doesn’t Buck have a family to look after him?”

Athena lets out a little huff and smiles, briefly tightening her arm around her daughter.

In a calm, steady tone, she replies: “The 118 is Buck’s family, baby. There’s no doubt in my mind that Eddie Diaz has not moved an inch from his side since the accident and I’m sure his sister, Maddie, is there too.”

The young girl nods her head even though she doesn’t quite understand yet.

“But what about Buck’s parents? Aren’t they worried about their son? Why don’t they come visit him? Why is it always Bobby?”

At this, Athena looks a little bit sadder but the gentle smile on her face remains.

“I don’t know much about Buck’s parents, sweetheart. All I know is that Buck and Maddie don’t talk about them, and they’ve never come to visit Buck in the hospital even once.”

May feels her heart pain a little hearing this. ‘What kind of parents don’t come visit their child when they’re in the hospital?’ she thinks.

“But…” she hears her mother say suddenly. “May, you remember how Bobby used to have children of his own?”

Instantly, May feels her stomach lurch uncomfortably. May can see the sympathy in her mother’s dark brown eyes, the loss she feels for two children who were never even hers. Absently, Athena’s hand comes up to stroke through her daughter’s hair and May leans a little harder into her mother, thinking about what she knows of her stepfather and his late family. She bites her lip and nods shakily. This isn’t something they talk about freely and the last time they spoke about it was on Brook Nash’s birthday a few months ago. Unconsciously, May finds her gaze drifting to the fireplace mantle where she knows there are pictures of Brook and Robert Jr.

“Well,” May notices that her mom is looking at the fireplace too, “Buck may not be Bobby’s flesh and blood, but he is like a son to Bobby and I know Buckaroo feels the same way. Buck could never replace Brook and Robert but he’s important to Bobby. Just as important as you and Harry are.”

May can feel her eyes welling up a little and she swallows the lump in her throat. Everything makes a bit more sense now. She can see why Bobby worries, and why her mother worries too. She can understand why Bobby gets that fond look on his face even when he’s telling stories about Buck’s never-ending recklessness and frustrating heroics. She now knows why Bobby will wake up at six in the morning on his day off to bring Buck breakfast or will stay overnight with him at the hospital. Buck is Bobby’s kid and – May suddenly realizes – that also makes him May’s brother. Being the eldest sibling and all, May has never really given the idea of an older brother or sister any thought, but now that it’s crossed her mind, she can’t help but be excited.

With a newfound determination, May takes a steadying breath and pulls back a bit so that she can look at her mother better.

“If Buck is still in the hospital tomorrow, we should all go visit. You, me and Harry. Then, when he’s all better, we’ll invite him to Sunday dinners.” Her voice is confident as she makes these declarations, accepting Buck as her new big brother without hesitation.

At first, Athena looks surprised. Quickly, however, her expression becomes a wide grin and she places her hands on her daughter’s cheeks. Brushing her thumbs along May’s cheekbones, the look of pride on her face is crystal clear.

“Of course, baby. You are so very right.”

May can’t wait to meet Buck properly.

\---

The next morning, Bobby has not yet returned from the hospital. It turns out that Buck is concussed and as this is far from his first concussion, the doctors would like to keep him until at least the afternoon.

Fully dressed, May rouses Harry from his bed where he groans and tries to pull the covers back over his head.

“May, go away! It’s too early!” he whines from beneath his pillow.

May isn’t having it.

“Get up, Harry! Bobby didn’t come home last night because Buck is still at the hospital. Mom is already drinking her coffee in the kitchen. We’re going to bring them breakfast and get to know Buck a bit better.”

At this, Harry flips the pillow off his face and raises a puzzled eyebrow at his older sister.

“What? Why?” he asks, looking at May as if she’s sprouted a second head.

May rolls her eyes and pulls on Harry’s arm, dragging him closer to the edge of his mattress.

“ _ Because _ , Harry! Mom said that Buck is important to Bobby so I think we should make more of an effort to get to know him. Mom said that Buck is pretty much Bobby’s son. Don’t you think we should get to know our pseudo big brother?” May looks imploringly at her younger sibling, continuing to tug him along.

Again, Harry casts her a look like she’s finally lost it.

“Big brother? That’s kind of a stretch, don’t you think?” Harry asks.

May sighs, giving up on pulling her brother out of bed. Instead, she sits down on the edge of the mattress and turns to look at the boy in his NBA pajamas.

“Look, Harry. You love Bobby right?” Harry nods unhesitatingly so May continues, “Well I do too and Bobby loves Buck. He’s Bobby’s family and after all that Bobby has been through, don’t you think that this is something that we can do for him? We can’t bring back Brook and Robert Jr. but we can accept Buck and let him be a part of our family too.”

Harry looks a little chastised at the mention of Bobby’s first family. Then his expression changes and he appears a bit more resolute.

“So Buck is going to be our big brother?” he asks with child-like curiosity. May knows he’s immediately begun running scenarios in his head, envisioning someone to take him to the basketball court or to play video games with.

May smiles, a glint in her eye that Harry is unfortunately familiar with. He inwardly cringes.

“Well, he doesn’t know it yet, but he certainly will after today!”

With that, May stands up and unceremoniously pulls Harry right off the edge of his bed. Harry drops to the floor with a solid  _ thump _ and a sharp cry of “May!” Harry then watches as his sister marches out of his bedroom with instructions to get dressed and ready to go in the next fifteen minutes.

From his place on the floor, Harry rubs at his left shoulder and stares up at the popcorn texture on his ceiling. He sighs and thinks to himself ‘Poor Buck. Doesn’t even know what he’s getting into.’

\---

_ Knock. Knock. Knock. _

May maneuvers a big pink bakery box into her right arm and raps her knuckles softly against the hospital room door. Behind her, her mom is carrying a Starbucks coffee carafe and a paper bag filled with breakfast sandwiches from the same bakery that gave them the pink box. Harry stands beside her with a drink tray full of empty coffee cups and coffee fixings. Inside Bobby is talking quietly with a familiar looking blonde with a red birthmark over his eye. At the sound of the knock, both men glance up at the doorway, Buck looking a tad confused and Bobby with a look of pleasant surprise.

“May, Athena, Harry!” Bobby exclaims, standing up to greet his wife with a kiss.

At the same time, Buck waves politely from the bed and greets them too, with a simple “hey.”

Athena accepts the kiss graciously as always and holds out the carafe and the paper bag. Without a word, Bobby relieves her of both and sets them down on a nearby table. May sets her box down beside them and turns to give Bobby a hug. Harry is not far behind. Athena sits down in the now vacated chair beside Buck’s bed and places a comforting hand on his shoulder. Buck smiles lopsidedly.

“Not that I’m not happy to see you, Athena,” says Buck, “-but why are you guys here?”

With a glance back at her husband who now stands at the foot of the bed with an arm each around both of her children, Athena says pointedly: “ _ May  _ thought it would be nice to stop by and bring you boys a proper breakfast.”

With these words, Bobby’s face lights up and instantly, May knows the trip was worth it. Even if – for some reason – Buck doesn’t want anything to do with her and Harry, the expression on her stepfather’s face means everything. Bobby grins down at her and presses a kiss into her hair.

“That was awfully thoughtful of you May. Buck and I were definitely getting desperate to eat anything other than hospital food,” he jokes.

Buck nods eagerly in agreement.

“Thanks May,” says Buck looking at the teenage girl with a smile that May can’t help admitting is adorable. “That’s really sweet. You didn’t have to do that. I’ll be out of here and eating crummy Chinese takeout in no time!”

May thinks she hears her mother mutter: “and be back again in a week or two I’m sure.”

Suddenly, before anyone can stop him, Harry pipes up.

“May said we had to come because you’re our big brother!”

Athena chokes and coughs into her fist. Bobby’s eyes widen in surprise, as do Buck’s. Buck’s cheeks tinge pink but May flushes a deep red.

“Wha…” Buck starts to say but is drowned out by May’s embarrassed exclamation of “Harry!”

Flustered, May reaches across Bobby and swings her arm out to catch her brother in the stomach. Harry darts out of reach and runs over to hide behind his mother. Ever the father figure, Bobby wraps his arm around May more firmly to prevent her from going after her brother.

“It’s true!” Harry argues. “That’s what you said!”

Composing herself, Athena stands up to pour herself and her husband a cup of coffee. She pushes Harry gently into the chair as she goes.

Eager to defend herself, May endeavors to explain.

“What I mean is that- Mom said- Bobby-“ May can’t find the words.

Bobby, suddenly coming to an understanding, saves her from embarrassing herself any further. Though he has never said the words out loud, he knows that he and Buck have a special bond that is different from his relationship with the other firefighters at the 118.

“What she means, Buck, is that you are like a son to me.” At this, Buck flushes even more but now, his already handsome face glows with happiness and pride. Bobby continues, a teasing sparkle in his eye: “And I guess, in some roundabout way, that makes May and Harry your younger siblings.”

Bobby finishes by nodding his head in that way that he does, emanating calmness and order.

May lets out the breath she’s been holding and glances back and forth between her stepfather and Buck who appear to be communicating silently. The silence is brutal while she waits for Buck to get angry or call her a weirdo. Internally, May wishes she’d never used those words with Harry and that she’d just told him they were going because mom had asked.

When the silence breaks, it’s not what she expects.

“Well,” Buck shrugs. “I’ve never been an older sibling before.”

Then, Buck sticks his right hand out towards Harry in the universal sign for a handshake and says: “Hi, I’m Buck. Big brother.”

Harry shakes his hand enthusiastically and introduces himself. “Sweet! I always wanted a big brother!”

Buck then holds his hand out in the same fashion towards May.

May grins, stepping out from Bobby’s grasp. She grabs Buck’s hand at first but then leans in to hug him. Buck flinches a little in surprise but then proceeds to hug her back.

“Hi Buck! I’m your new little sister.”

\---2---

Fast-forward a couple months and Buck is a regular guest at the Grant-Nash household. He takes his Big Brother duties very seriously, making time for Harry and May in between shifts at the firehouse, dinners with Maddie and Chimney and his many movie nights and weekend outings with the Diaz family. Buck helps Harry with his homework and takes him to the park to play sports. He drives May to her friends’ houses and helps her apply to universities. Some weekends, Buck and Bobby spend hours in the kitchen trying out new recipes. May quickly learns that Buck is very much the adorable Labrador puppy that her Auntie Hen describes and despite his knack for getting into trouble, May can’t help but love him to bits. Buck is a part of their family now and May can’t imagine her life without him.

\---

It’s the summer after her high school graduation and there’s a familiar knock at the door. May hastily shoves her feet into her shoes and double-checks that she has everything she needs in her purse. Distractedly, she opens the door and there’s Buck looking at his cellphone with a fond smile on his face. May looks down at the screen and catches a quick glimpse of a text message before Buck manages to tuck his phone away. It’s a selfie of Eddie and Christopher, probably at whatever attraction they’ve decided to visit for the day. She rolls her eyes good-naturedly. No wonder Buck has that besotted grin on his face.

None the wiser, Buck greets her with the now standard, “hey sis!”

“Bro,” May returns with a smile.

Buck holds out his fist for a fist bump which transitions smoothly into the rest of their secret handshake. Early on after the hospital meet, Buck had decided that secret handshakes with the Grant children were a must.

“You ready to go?” he asks.

May looks through her purse one more time and grabs her favourite hoodie off the coat rack.

“Yup! Lemme just let Mom know we’re going.” She leans over the landing briefly. She can’t quite see her mother in the kitchen, but she knows she’ll be heard. “Mom! Buck and I are headed out!”

Buck leans his head in the door too and calls out after her. “Bye ‘Thena! We’ll be back in time for dinner!”

Athena’s response of “have fun and be safe, kids,” is barely heard as the door slams shut behind them.

\---

May climbs into the passenger seat of Buck’s jeep and waits for him to pull out of the driveway. She turns the dial on the radio to her preferred music station, much to Buck’s chagrin, and rolls the window down to get the breeze. They’re headed to the movie theatre to see a new action film that was just released.

Drumming her fingers against the window trim, May casually starts the conversation.

“So… who were you texting when I opened the door?”

Buck’s brow furrows as he tries to recall what she’s talking about, even though it only happened moments before. May watches as he remembers the photograph and his face lights up a bit, only to be instantly rearranged into a more neutral expression.

“Oh, that?” he says offhandedly, as if the text message was nothing at all. “Just Eddie. He and Chris were checking out some new comic book store opening today, and Eddie sent me a picture of them with the comics they purchased.”

He’s trying to be casual, but May is onto him. Quietly, she snorts. ‘Called it. He’s in so deep,’ she thinks to herself with amusement.

May has only met the Diaz boys a handful of times but Buck talks about them so much it feels like she knows them. He’s so clearly in love with Eddie and vice versa that it literally blows her mind that they both don’t see it. At one point, May had brought up her observations to her mother and Bobby (who were not surprised at all) but they said it was best to let the men figure it out on their own. Nevertheless, May can’t resist teasing her big brother about his blatantly obvious crush every now and then.

“Of course, it was Eddie,” she says with an eye roll. “It’s  _ always  _ Eddie with you. You’d think you two were married or something with how often you talk about him and Christopher.”

Buck takes his eyes off the road for a moment so that he can glare at her.

“I don’t  _ always _ talk about Eddie,” he argues. “I just  _ mostly _ talk about Eddie because he’s my best friend and I spend a lot of time with him and Chris.”

May smirks and makes a condescending “mhmm” noise that let’s Buck know that she thinks there’s definitely more to the story.

“He’s a single dad and he and Chris have had a rough go. So what if I talk about them a lot? I’m just trying to help him out with his kid - because  _ that’s  _ what friends do,” he continues defensively.

Then, sensing the somewhat serious turn their conversation has taken, he teases: “Sorry you don’t know what it’s like to have friends, squirt.”

Buck winks and May gasps, smacking him gently in the arm.

“Buck!” she shrieks. “Rude!”

Buck chuckles and May has to stifle her own giggles. Pretending to be cross, she folds her arms and looks out the passenger window, muttering petulantly: “-and don’t call me squirt.”

\---3---

May is on a date. A third date to be precise. She met Devon at a UCLA campus tour a couple weeks ago. They were in the same tour group and got to talking as their tour guide led them around the university. Devon is going into biomolecular engineering (which sounds really complicated to May) but he is cute and a jokester and his witty commentary had her concealing her laughter throughout the whole tour. By the time they returned to their starting location, Devon had charmed her out of her phone number and a week later, they had their first date.

Now, Devon and May are sitting in the food court at the local mall. They had spent the afternoon bike riding around the city and had stopped to grab a quick meal before going their separate ways.

May takes a sip of her soda and listens intently as Devon tells her a story about some crazy graduation prank he and his buddies had done a few months ago. He is a vivid storyteller, using his hands to create sweeping gestures that mirror the excited glint in his hazel eyes. His dimples stand out against his warm, brown skin as he laughs along with the story. May is mesmerized.

“-and then Joey-“

His dramatic story is interrupted when a familiar voice calls out her name from across the food court. Devon stops talking and together, they watch as two men (the blonde one waving) and a kid with crutches weave their way through cafeteria tables to reach them.

When at last, they stand at the end of the table, Buck is grinning widely while Eddie and Christopher smile a bit more sedately. May smiles back at Eddie, scooting down the bench to make room for Chris, before looking at her pseudo-brother suspiciously.

“Hey May~! Imagine running into you here!” says Buck in a vocal pitch that was just high enough to let May know that their meeting here is not coincidental at all.

May glares. Buck’s grin doesn’t falter.

Devon looks back and forth between the two with a confused expression, taking in the newcomers and not quite knowing what to do.

May and Buck continue to stare at one another, engaged in a silent stare-off. Eddie nods at the teen as he leans Chris’ crutches against the end of the table. Then he says something quietly to his son, shakes his head long-sufferingly and heads over to a nearby restaurant to grab some food. Finally, May breaks eye contact and turns to her date with a fake, plastered on smile.

“Devon,” she says smartly, “this is my older brother, Evan Buckley, who clearly had a conversation with my stepfather today.”

Devon’s eyes widen slightly in understanding. In response, Buck lets out a huff of laughter and sticks out his hand to shake Devon’s. She isn’t far off.

“Everyone calls me Buck,” the blonde explains, shaking the teen’s hand a bit tighter than necessary. Devon cringes. Letting go, Buck then turns his head to May and adds gloatingly, “-and actually, it was your mom who called me.”

May flushes, mentally making a note to talk to her mother about boundaries and using her honorary brother as a spy.

Not wanting to be left out, a smaller hand reaches out unsteadily across the table.

“I’m Christopher but lots of people call me Chris,” comes a measured voice.

The effect is instantaneous. Forgetting about their drama for the moment, both Buck and May find themselves grinning widely. With a soft pride shimmering in his baby blues, Buck reaches down and ruffles his hand through Christopher’s curls. He praises the young boy for his stellar manners while Devon reaches back and gently shakes the boy’s hand.

“Devon. It’s very nice to meet you Chris.” Devon’s tone is kind and genuine as he makes the acquaintance of their new table guest.

May feels her heart warm watching the interaction (though her brother is clearly beside himself).

“Chris is Eddie’s son,” she explains, gesturing to the brunette a little ways away. Then, noticing the opportunity she has to get back at her brother, she goes on: “Eddie is Buck’s boy- I mean  _ best _ friend.”

Buck’s head snaps towards May at the so-called slip-up. He glares, shoving her in the shoulder. Christopher cackles, throwing his head back in joyous laughter that only makes Buck glare harder.

“Eddie and I are just  _ friends _ .” Buck stresses, checking to ensure Eddie is still far enough away. He can see the brunette grabbing straws and condiments. “We are only here because Chris needs some new running shoes. Don’t’cha, buddy?”

At the mention of their purpose for being here at the mall, Chris sits up taller.

“That’s right!” he confirms with a nod of his head. “Bucky said me, him and Daddy could all get matching ones!” Chris wiggles in his seat, his front teeth sticking out over his bottom lip adorably.

A blush quickly comes over Buck’s face. Chris, innocent as he is, is not helping his argument at all and May is only getting more and more smug as a result. Buck begins to think that coming to scope out her date was a mistake. Spotting her brother’s growing embarrassment, May giggles and over Chris’ curly head, mouths a patronizing “aww!”

Just then, Eddie arrives at the table with two trays loaded up with hamburgers and fries. He places them down on the table and picks Chris up so that the boy can sit on his lap. Buck takes the remaining seat at the table and begins divvying up the food on the trays, mumbling a quiet “thanks man.”

“Hey May, I hope you don’t mind us crashing your table. Who’s your friend?” Eddie says, multi-tasking between feeding himself and helping Chris easily.

Introductions are made and hands are shaken once more.

“So Eddie, I hear you, Chris and Buck are here to buy matching shoes,” she says teasingly.

Oblivious as ever, Eddie responds with a nonplussed: “Yeah. Buck’s idea. I think it’ll be fun.”

Again, Chris looks thrilled at the prospect.

Having given up on retaining any sort of dignity, Buck shoves a handful of fries into his mouth causing May to grimace, Chris to snicker and Eddie to give him a disapproving stare.

“Really Buck?” his best friend asks.

Petulantly, Buck shrugs.

Ignoring the strange dynamics between his date and the male newcomers, Devon proceeds to ask Chris what kind of shoes he is planning on getting.

Simultaneously, and with an echoing high-five, Buck and Chris shout: “red-checkered Vans!”

Devon laughs while May and Eddie try to hide their fond smiles.

\---4---

Devon is a nice guy but it doesn’t last. They just don’t have enough in common so they part ways on good terms. May still says “hi” to him when she sees him around campus and that’s fine. It works.

Today, May is sitting at a cement picnic table in the quad with a few nursing students from her cohort. They’ve become really close over the past few months and May is so grateful to have met these wonderful girls so early on in her college career.

Currently, they’re in between classes; eating their lunches between bouts of gossip and laughter over something awkward their professor had said that morning. It’s a bit chilly for November but the sun is out and for all intents and purposes, it’s a decent day.

“Damn~! Ladies, check him out! That boy is a  _ hunk _ ,” whispers Tamara suddenly, looking at someone over May’s shoulder.

May snickers and rolls her eyes. Tamara is  _ always _ eyeing up somebody on campus.

“Who?” asks Leanna, looking around the quad.

Taking a sip out of her coffee cup, Tamara subtly points in the direction of the cute guy she’s staring at.

“Cute blonde at your 10 o’clock, Lee. Buff shoulders, pretty eyes, tight gray t-shirt. He’s coming up the quad pathway.”

From where she sits beside May, Cecelia whips around to look for the mystery man. She spots him quite quickly.

“Well shit,” she says. “I’d be happy to study his anatomy, if you know what I mean.”

Resolved, May puts her sandwich down and finally turns to look around. Immediately, she gags and struggles to choke down the food in her mouth.

“Ew!” she shrieks, much to the surprise of her fellow nurses. “You guys! That’s my brother!”

Tamara’s jaw drops and both Leanna and Cecelia begin cracking up hysterically.

Sure enough, the cute blonde begins making his way over to their table, checkered red Vans and all.

“Hey sis!” he greets with a sunny smile.

May tries not to laugh.

“Buck. What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” she asks, getting up to give him a hug. She swears she hears Tamara mutter “lucky.”

“Sorry to interrupt. I was just in the area and I knew it was your lunch break. I just thought I’d double-check that you were still okay to make dinner with me and the boys this weekend.”

Buck scratches the back of his head nervously. May smiles fondly.

Her Auntie Hen and Aunt Karen were going away for the weekend. Buck and Eddie had already made plans to spend the weekend at Buck’s condo (platonically!), so he volunteered to take Denny for the weekend as well. Then, because he was going to have Christopher and Denny, it was only right that they invited Harry too. It was going to be a Boys’ Weekend (with the exception of Saturday night dinner). Buck wanted to make a lasagne with the kids using a new recipe Bobby had taught him. However, Eddie was terrible in the kitchen so he’d asked May if she wouldn’t mind coming over to help.

“Of course, Buck. I even put a reminder in my phone and everything. I’ll be there.” The relief on Buck’s face was laughable. “Besides we wouldn’t want Eddie to think he should start helping,” she joked.

Buck huffed a laugh and gave her another brief hug.

“Thanks sis. Sorry again for the interruption. You’re the best. I’ll see you later.”

“Mhmm. See you later, Buck.”

With that, Buck spins on his heel and walks back the way he came. May returns to her spot at the table and resumes eating her sandwich. Tamara has her both hands folded in front of her and is staring at her intently.

“Girl, how come you never mentioned you had a hot older brother?”

\---5---

May and her nursing friends are out for the night. They’re at a nearby 18-and-over nightclub. There are bright coloured strobe lights; the DJ is playing some top 40 remix and it’s hot, sweaty and crowded. In addition, May’s not old enough to legally drink so she has a fluorescent orange wristband on her wrist. Despite the circumstances, none of that matters. May’s having fun. She rarely ever goes out with the girls but she’s having a blast out on the dance floor.

Which is why, of course, the music suddenly cuts off with an irritating scratch noise and the overhead lights come on. Groans and noises of protest can be heard all throughout the nightclub immediately. May stops dancing and looks at her friends in confusion.

Then a voice that May knows very well comes over the speakers.

“Ladies and gentlemen, my name is Captain Bobby Nash and I’m a firefighter with the 118. I apologize for ruining your night, but I would ask that you please begin calmly making your way to the nearest exit. There has been a medical emergency and we need for all of you to clear out so that my team and I can do our jobs properly. I repeat, please make your way to the exit  _ calmly. _ ”

“May!” calls Tamara, as she squeezes her way through the crowd from where she’d been off dancing with some guy. “Isn’t that your step-dad?” she asks, gesturing her head towards the DJ booth.

May nods.

“Yeah, sorry guys. Looks like we’re going to have to call it an early night.”

The girls shrug and Cecelia tells her it’s not her fault. They are med students after all. They know emergencies happen. Together, they begin making their way to the entrance.

Once they’re outside of the club, they stand in a little cluster just outside the doors. Leanna realized that they can’t leave because all their jackets are locked up in the coat check inside. Many other nightclub goers seem to have come to the same conclusion, standing in their own little huddles out on the sidewalk and spilling into the alleyway.

“Hey May,” says Leanna, grabbing her arm gently and pointing to someone a few meters away, “-isn’t that your brother?”

May looks in the direction she’s pointing and sees Buck standing beside the fire engine.

Tamara shoves forward to catch a peek, almost stepping on May’s toes as she does so.

“Oh! That is  _ definitely _ your hot brother, May, and  _ holy hell.  _ He looks even better in uniform.”

May cringes and wrinkles her nose. She folds her arms across her chest and rubs her hands up and down to warm them.

“Still gross,” she mutters under her breath.

“Wait a second!” scream whispers Leanna. “Who. Is. That. The one beside him. The brunette!”

“Fuck me,” whispers Tamara.

May doesn’t even have to look to know who they’re talking about. She rolls her eyes.

“That’s Eddie and you can’t have him. He and Buck are madly in love with each other,” she says dryly.

Tamara and Leanna pout.

“What? Your brother is gay  _ and _ he’s dating that guy? Damn it, May. Why are the good ones always gay?” Tamara asks, giving up her leering and turning back to the group.

Leanna shivers so Cecelia wraps an arm around her shoulder and rubs her bare arm. May huddles a bit closer too.

“Buck’s bi and so is Eddie,” she shrugs. “They’re not dating because they’re both too stubborn and stupid to think the other might possibly be interested in them. Even though they practically live together and are definitely co-parenting a child together. It’s a family-wide frustration.”

Tamara sighs, as if to say: “what can you do?”

“Anyway, I’m going to go say hi. Maybe figure out what happened and how long it’s going to take,” says May.

\---

May leaves her friends and makes her way to the ladder truck. Auntie Hen sees her coming and puts down her medical bag to give May a hug.

“Hey sweetheart. Night out on the town?”

May nods.

“Yeah, me and a couple of girls from school came here to go dancing. I hope everything’s okay, Auntie Hen.”

Hen smiles.

“We’ll get it all sorted. Don’t you worry,” she says reassuringly.

By now, Eddie and Buck have noticed her too and start to make their way over.

“Hey May,” says Eddie with his handsome smile. “Sorry to crash the party. You look nice.”

Auntie Hen agrees, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind her ear.

“Eddie’s right,” she says kindly. “You look beautiful, honey.”

May glows at the praise. However, her grin quickly turns to concern when Buck immediately starts choking.

“Buck, are you-“ she starts to ask, reaching for him.

“May! What are you wearing!?” exclaims her brother, dramatically covering his eyes.

May gapes. She looks down at her dress. It’s a silver-sequinned spaghetti strap dress. Yes, it’s a little form fitting, but it’s not as low-cut as Tamara’s dress and it reaches her fingertips. She checked!

“What do you mean ‘what am I wearing?’ It’s a dress!”

Buck scoffs.

“A dress? No way. That is practically a shirt. I can see way too much skin! Don’t you have a cardigan or something!”

Hen lets out a startled laugh and Eddie runs a palm over his face. May can’t believe this is happening. She actually does have a cardigan, but it’s locked up in the coat check (not that she’s going to tell Buck that). There is nothing wrong with this dress.

“Buck! I’m at a nightclub and I’m 18! It’s appropriate!”

Buck scoffs a second time.

“Appropriate,” he mutters sarcastically.

Eddie and Hen roll their eyes and make their escape, not wanting to get involved in their brother-sister dramatics.

May stomps her foot.

“Evan Buckley, there is  _ nothing  _ wrong with this dress. Mom and Bobby even approved it before I left the house tonight!”

The look on Buck’s face speaks volumes of his betrayal.

Bewildered, his voice goes up an octave when he asks: “Bobby approved this!?”

Buck begins to stutter, his hands waving wildly around him. He is at a loss for words.

Just then, two young guys walk down the sidewalk just behind them. The taller one lets out a crude whistle and makes a vulgar gesture behind her. His hands paw at her hips and his pelvis thrusts up against her rear.

“ _ Damn baby.  _ You look fine~”

May’s eyes widen and she blushes, jumping forward. Meanwhile Buck’s face turns scarlet. The guy laughs, letting go and elbows his buddy. The two of them then continue on their way but not before throwing May one last wink. Buck sees red. He hastily pulls off his turnout jacket and throws it around May’s shoulders before yanking her behind him.

“Hey!” he shouts after the catcalling stranger, fist raised in the air. “That’s my little sister you just sexually harassed, you asshole!”

Buck makes a move to start following the guy down the street, but Eddie – who has clearly been keeping a close eye on the situation from wherever he was (or just has a sixth sense for when Buck is getting into trouble) – appears out of nowhere and grabs Buck from behind. One arm comes up around his chest and the other pulls Buck’s fist back down to his side. He and Buck begin talking to each other at a low volume.

May is still processing and pulls the turnout coat around her a little bit tighter. She’s shaking. Her Auntie Hen comes over and wraps an arm around her.

Whatever Eddie says to Buck, it manages to calm him down. The two strangers are well on their way down the street now. At last, they turn the corner until they can no longer be seen.

Buck takes a deep breath and nods at Eddie who places a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Buck then makes his way over to May and envelops her in a bear hug, his strong arms folding around her completely. With the turnout coat and Buck surrounding her, she feels safe, warm and protected. Her heart slowly stops hammering against her chest.

“Are you okay?” he asks softly, muttering his words into her hair.

May nods a little shakily.

“Yeah. Thanks Buck,” she mutters into his chest.

They stand there, hugging, a little while longer, until they both feel more settled.

When they finally pull apart, May shoves her hands in the pockets of Buck’s coat.

“If it’s all the same to you, I’d like to borrow your jacket,” she says in a small voice.

Buck smirks.

“Keep it.”

\---6---

Buck is washing his dinner dishes at the sink when a frenzied knock at the door startles him. He carefully puts the clean plate in the dishrack and dries off his hands with the dish towel. With swift steps, he makes his way to the door and looks out through the peephole. Quickly, he unlocks the door and throws it open.

“May?”

The girl rushes in, pushing past him to throw a pile of medical textbooks on the counter. She looks harried. Her hair is in a messy ponytail, there are dark bags under her eyes and her gaze is jumping around the room manically. At once, she pulls up a barstool and begins leafing through the textbook, muttering to herself under her breath. Buck has no idea what is happening right now. He’s never seen her look this panicked. He’s worried.

“May! What is going on? What are you doing here?”

He starts to approach her slowly, like she’s a wounded animal. He takes note of her red-rimmed eyes and her fast-paced breathing. Her finger, which is tracing lines of text on the page, is shaking. Whatever is happening, it’s not good.

May snaps the textbook shut with a loud  _ thwap  _ and rings her hands in front of her. Her eyes are still darting a bit frantically.

“I- I need you to call Maddie,” she says, her voice beginning to wobble.

Buck looks at her in confusion, his brows furrowing and his head tilting to the left. Then he continues to come closer.

“Maddie?” he says curiously. “Sure, I can call her, but would you mind maybe telling me why? What’s happening May? Do your parents know you’re here? You don’t look so well.”

Just as Buck gets close enough to touch her, May jumps up off the stool, forcing Buck to take a step back lest she knock him over. Then the young woman starts pacing up and down the length of the kitchen island.

“I- I need Maddie to h-h-help me. Study. She used to be a n-nurse. She can help me study,” May stutters, a shaky hand running through her dark hair.

Buck frowns even further.

“You want Maddie to come help you study? Is that what this is about May? Exams?”

May is clearly not all there but Buck is trying to get a better understanding about what is going on. May appears wild and even as she paces, she doesn’t stop fidgeting with her hands.

“Yes, Buck,” she says dazedly. “Call Maddie. I need her.”

Buck would be happy to call his big sister if he thought it would help. Hell, if a study buddy is all May needs, Buck would be happy to help himself. But somehow, Buck knows that this isn’t about flashcards and Cornell notes. There’s something deeper going on here and it’s starting to freak him out.

Buck attempts to approach the girl again, his hands raised in surrender this time.

“Okay, okay… but May, can you tell me what’s wrong? You’re clearly not okay. I’ve never seen you like this. I’m going to call your mom first oka-“

Apparently, it’s the wrong thing to say.

“No Buck!” May yells. “I said. Call. Maddie!”

May bursts into tears.

Next, Buck watches as his little sister falls to the ground in a heap. She sits in a ball up against the island, her knees tucked up against her chest and rocks back and forth. Her forehead presses against her kneecaps and her hands wrap around her legs to hold them closer. Her breaths become short inhales and exhales. She’s hyperventilating.

“Shit!”

Buck runs over and crouches down in front of her, placing his hands on her shoulders. He’s finally caught on to what is happening, and he curses himself for not recognizing the signs sooner. After the ladder truck and the tsunami, he should be an expert by now.

“May! May I need you to listen to me. You’re having a panic attack but it’s going to be okay,” he says loudly and clearly. “Just breathe May. Breathe with me, come on.”

Buck gets down on the floor and pulls at May’s legs, settling them out straight in front of her so they’re not compressing her lungs. He models a proper breathing rhythm. May continues to cry, head down and arms coming up to wrap around her own shoulders now, almost like a hug. She lets out these short gasping breaths that Buck doesn’t like the sound of.

“Come on, May,” he says louder, rubbing his hands comfortingly up and down May’s arms. “Copy me. In… two… three… four… Out… two… three… four. Follow me, May.”

“Buck!” she wails, gasping for breath.

Her eyes finally meet his. Her vision is spotting from the lack of oxygen but she can still make out her big brother’s concern.

“I- I c-c-can’t… breathe.”

The older of the two feels tears begin to well up in his own eyes as he watches his sister struggle.

“I know, May. But it’s okay,” he says calmly. “I’m here and we’re going to get you through this. Just try to get your breathing to match mine.”

May nods her head shakily and does her best to copy her brother.

All the while, Buck continues to count out loud, making exaggerated breathing noises (“in… two… three… four… Out… two… three… four…”) until at long last, May is breathing somewhat normally again.

_ Thunk. _

May knocks her head back against the island. She closes her eyes, arms falling limp at her sides. She’s exhausted.

Buck lets out a sigh of relief, brushing a strand of May’s hair back behind her ear. The worst is over. Rolling his head from side to side, he starts to get up off the floor.

“Come on, squirt. Let’s get you sitting on the couch. I’ll get you a snack and some water.”

May nods slowly, eyes still closed, but allows Buck to pull her up until she’s standing on her own two feet. With an arm around her waist, supporting her, the two siblings make their way over to Buck’s living room. Buck sets her down on the couch where she immediately starts to doze off. He then goes back to the kitchen to slice up an apple and fill up a glass of water.

He keeps an eye on May the whole time, worried that something might set her off again. Fortunately, she seems ready to pass out instead. As he chops up the apple, Buck considers calling Athena again, but decides he should probably get to the bottom of the matter first. Instead, he sends her a quick text just to let her know where May is.

**To:** Mama Bear

**From:** Buck

Hey Thena.

May stopped by.

She had a panic attack.

We r okay. Will call u ltr.

Promise.

Athena responds almost immediately.

**To:** Buck

**From:** Mama Bear

Oh thank God. I was just about to call you. I knew something was off when she left the house. So glad you were there with her, Buckaroo. I love you both.

Buck smiles, turning off the tap when the glass is full.

**To:** Mama Bear

**From:** Buck

Love u 2.

When he comes back to the living room, he sets the apples down on the coffee table and hands May the glass. She blinks open her eyes and then guzzles down half the glass of water. When she’s done, she wordlessly holds out the glass for Buck to take. He does.

“So...” he says slowly. “Do you want to tell me what that was about?”

May sighs. Then she turns sideways on the couch, leaning her head back against the arm rest and bringing her feet up onto the cushions. Knees bent, she tucks her socked toes under Buck’s thigh. When she doesn’t say anything, Buck waits patiently, giving her ankle a gentle squeeze.

May drags both of her hands over her face, thinking over what she wants to say.

With a deep breath she says: “Vicky.”

Buck squints, tilting his head to the side in confusion. The name sounds vaguely familiar, but he can’t place it.

“Vicky?” he asks. “Who’s Vicky?”

He watches as May anxiously swallows. Suddenly, May sits up again, hugging her knees to her chest, only this time, she’s breathing normally and her eyes aren’t crazed when she looks at her big brother.

“The… the day of the tsunami,” May begins to explain tentatively.

Buck is proud of himself when he successfully manages to hold back the small flinch he wants to make at the mention of that day. The memories of losing Christopher and confronting Eddie at the VA hospital continue to haunt him even a year and a half later. No matter how many times the Diaz boys assure him he wasn’t at fault, he still feels guilty. Shaking his head, he pushes the thoughts to the side. He’s not the only one that faced trauma that day. He vaguely recalls that something happened to May that day too.

“Mom and I were driving back from our girl’s day and I was talking to her about my college applications when we ended up in a pile-up, do you remember?”

Buck tries to remember the details of that day, but his memories are jumbled. Most of what he remembers is wandering the streets in a daze, wearing Chris’ red glasses around his neck.

Sheepishly, he replies: “I’m sorry, May, but most of my memories of that day are unclear. I can kind of remember you coming to visit me at the field hospital. You were covered in blood.”

Buck feels awful that he can’t remember why there was blood all over her t-shirt. He knows it’s important but there was just so much else that had happened to him that day and then afterwards too, with the lawsuit and Eddie’s street fighting. When May had come to visit him that day at the VA hospital, he was barely conscious and reeling from blood loss and dehydration. He thinks he recalls Athena telling Bobby the story of what had happened, but he can’t be sure that he’s not just filling in the blanks.

From where she’s still seated with her feet tucked under him, May nods a few times but doesn’t look upset with him.

“Well, we did. There were about 50 cars and you know Mom, she immediately started taking control of the situation; getting people to call for help, getting people out of their cars safely…”

Buck nods, encouraging her to go on.

“There was a woman. Vicky…” May gulps and her voice trails off for a moment. “She was stuck in her car because of this… this wound on her neck…”

May swallows again, eyes gazing off to the side but clearly not seeing what is there. Buck turns to give her his full attention, grabbing her hand gently.

“She was bleeding. God, Buck, there was so much blood.” At this, her eyes begin to well up with tears. “Mom was holding some sort of cloth to her neck, but it was bleeding too much so she went to get the first aid kit from the car. She left me with Vicky, told me to keep the pressure… but… but then the street started filling with water because of the tsunami and there was a downed electrical pole… Mom couldn’t get back to us.”

May sniffles and wiped roughly at a tear that had escaped her eyes. Buck squeezes her hand, his heart aching for the unprepared young girl who had found herself in a horrible, awful situation.

“I… I tried to keep the pressure, keep her awake and talking. There was blood everywhere. I remember taking off my white hoodie and trying to stop the bleeding. It was soaked through in moments. By… by the time Mom got the power turned off… she had stopped breathing.”

May thinks back to that moment. Her mother appearing at the door, happy and relieved, only to find May cradling Vicky’s unmoving head in her lap with tear tracks all over her face. In the present, May begins to cry.

Buck immediately pulls his sister into his arms, pressing kisses into her hair and shushing her quietly.

“I’m so sorry May, so, so sorry!” he whispers, hugging her closer. Buck’s heart breaks in understanding. At the tender age of seventeen, his poor baby sister who should have been focused on her upcoming graduation, had held someone – a complete stranger – as they died in her arms.

May lets out another loud sob.

“Shh… shh… shh, you did your best, May. It wasn’t your fault. There was nothing you could have done.”

Buck holds her as she continues to cry. All the while, he wonders how he could possibly have not known about this. Not for the first time, he curses himself for not making better decisions the day of the tsunami.

When May speaks again, it is barely a whisper and her words catch Buck by surprise.

“She didn’t die, Buck. She… she made it. When the paramedics… when they took her away, they found a pulse. I… I saved her.”

Buck feels like he is on a rollercoaster. One moment, he feels such guilt and sadness it’s overwhelming; the next, he feels sudden relief tinged with confusion. If May had saved the woman, why is she so upset? Why isn’t she happy? And what does all this have to do with her panic attack?

Pulling away a bit to look at his younger sister, Buck starts to voice his questions but he is immediately cut off.

“I don’t ever want to feel that way ever again, Buck. I felt so helpless. And what if… what if what happened that day was just luck? With Vicky, all I had to do was keep my sweatshirt pressed to her neck, but most medical problems are more complicated than that! What if… what if when I become a nurse, I can’t remember any of the things I’ve learned? What if I can’t recognize the signs of something bad happening? Or what if I give a patient the wrong medication or dosage? What if I can’t save them!?”

The frantic, crazed look begins to return to May’s eyes. Buck recognizes the impending panic and grabs her quickly by the shoulders, shaking her gently.

“May! May, listen to me. Everything is going to be just fine.  _ You _ are going to be just fine. What happened to Vicky was not an accident. She lived because of you, because  _ you _ cared and  _ you  _ did your best. Once you graduate, it’s not going to be any different.”

Buck can see the uncertainty in May’s face, so he presses on.

“Of course, you’re going to make mistakes and you’re going to lose patients but it’s not on you, okay, May? Working at the hospital is going to be just like working at the 118. We’re a team. Sometimes bad things will happen and sometimes we will lose people, but we do our best and we have each other’s backs.” (At this Buck can hardly keep the sappy grin off his face). “You won’t be alone, May. I promise.” 

With those words, May finally looks more reassured. She nods her head once and then buries herself in her big brother’s arms once more.

“Thanks Buck. And hey. ’Have each other’s backs?’ Isn’t that what you and Eddie say?” she asks.

Buck blushes a bit.

“Yeah. So what?” he says nonchalantly.

May shrugs within his grasp.

“Well… do you think when I’m a nurse, I’ll be lucky enough to find my own Eddie Diaz?” May glances up not-so-innocently through her eyelashes.

Buck flicks her in the forehead and chuckles.

“Nah, sorry squirt, but there’s only one Edmundo Diaz,” he teases.

May giggles and snuggles further into her big brother’s chest.

“I love you, Buck.”

“Love you too, squirt.”

\---7---

It’s a Friday afternoon and May is shoving her nursing textbooks into the trunk of her car in the UCLA parking lot. Behind her are Cecelia, Tamara and Leanna, as usual.

“May, girl, are you sure you can’t make it to Henry’s party tonight?” Tamara asks for the umpteenth time this week.

May drops her last textbook into the trunk and tries not to roll her eyes in frustration. She has already explained the situation a thousand times, if not more.

Beside Tamara, Leanna nods, a bit like a bobble-head doll.

“Yeah, May, are you  _ sure  _ you can’t come? It’s going to be an absolute rager,” Leanna whines, “-and you know Caleb was asking if you’d be there.”

May sighs, slamming her trunk shut behind her. She has no doubt that the party is going to be amazing. Henry, the guy who is throwing the party, is absolutely loaded. There’s supposed to be a live DJ, a keg stand and an outdoor pool. To make matters worse, her crush, Caleb, was going to be there and he was asking about her! May wishes she could go but it’s just not possible.

Cecelia – bless her – tries to keep the peace.

“You guys, May already told us why she can’t go,” she says softly, reaching out to put a supportive hand on May’s shoulder. May nods her appreciation.

Unfortunately, not all of her friends are as understanding. Tamara, for instance, rolls her eyes and huffs.

“I know she told us why; it just doesn’t make sense to me,” she says snootily.

May leans back against her car with a sigh, gearing herself up to explain the situation for the millionth time.

“It’s Fa-“ she starts only to be cut off by Tamara’s mocking tone.

“ _ Family Sleepover Night _ . Yes, so you’ve said. I just don’t understand why you can’t skip it just this once. Your family literally has these slumber parties once a month. This party is once in a lifetime!” she says, tossing her arms up in a dramatic flair.

May feels her face heat up and her hand clenches angrily at her side. She loves Tamara, envies her confidence and her outgoing personality, but sometimes she can be a real jerk.

Cecelia and Leanna both sense the change in atmosphere. Leanna glances nervously back and forth between May and Tamara whilst Cecelia takes a step closer to May in hopes of calming her down. There’s a part of May that feels bad that the other two girls are getting caught in the middle, but another part of her needs for Tamara to understand, to know why something as simple as a family sleepover is so important.

“Tamara,” starts Cecelia, reaching a pacifying hand out toward the other girl. “Maybe we should just let it-“

May snorts, pushing off the car to stand up tall.

“You can’t understand it, Tamara,” May says with a confidence she barely feels.

At this, Tamara looks a bit offended. She bristles, gathering her long cornrows over one shoulder and turning her nose up a bit. Leanna and Cecelia both look surprised at May’s outburst (she’s not usually one to raise her voice), but they keep quiet, nonetheless.

“Not yet at least…” May continues. “But… that’s okay, Tam. I don’t expect you to understand and I don’t mean that as an insult.”

Tamara looks like she doesn’t believe that for a second and for a moment, May worries she’s going to explain things wrong and say something accidentally hurtful. Taking a deep breath, she decides to go on anyway. She has to at least try to get Tamara to understand where she’s coming from.

“It’s just… pretty much my whole family is made up of first responders,” she begins thoughtfully. “And I know that one day soon, all of us are gonna be first responders too which is amazing.” May gives a small smile. “But… it’s also really hard sometimes. Almost everyone who is important to me works a job that puts them in constant danger.” At this, Tamara starts to look a bit guilty, a bit closer to understanding. “At any moment, there’s a chance that one of them could just… not come back. I could lose my mom, my stepfather, my brother… my aunts and uncles… Our slumber parties are a monthly tradition, yes, but they’re also really important because any one of these sleepovers could be somebody’s last.”

May blinks back the tears that begin forming in her eyes. She thinks back on all the close calls that have happened in recent years, all the illnesses and injuries and hospital visits. Tamara opens her mouth, probably to apologize, but May’s not finished.

“Tam, you know what my family has been through. I almost lost my dad to brain cancer; Bobby could have died of radioactive poisoning; Buck and Christopher nearly drowned in the tsunami; hell, it feels like Buck ends up in the hospital almost as often as we have our sleepovers! I just… I can’t put my family aside for some party, no matter how awesome it might be. And I know Caleb was asking about me but if he really cares, he’ll make time another day. Okay, Tam? Please tell me you understand,” May begs.

Tamara bites her lip nervously and nods her head. Then Tamara lurches forward and May finds herself being smothered by her friend’s arms. The other two girls join and make it a group hug.

“I’m so sorry for pestering you about the party, May,” she hears Tamara say. “I didn’t understand but I do now, I swear.”

May wipes at her eyes hastily before smiling and hugging her friends back fiercely.

\---

May pulls up in front of the Diaz household. Buck’s jeep is in the driveway beside Eddie’s huge 4x4 truck and she can see Albert’s car parked across the street. May parks behind Buck and retrieves her duffle bag from the back seat before making her way up to the front door.

Even from outside, May can hear the chaos going on within. She thinks about knocking but decides they probably wouldn’t be able to hear her anyway, so she tries the knob and finds the door unlocked.

Stepping into the threshold, May hangs up her coat and tries to find a place for her shoes on the shoe rack. She’s clearly the last to arrive. She can tell by the hodgepodge collection of shoes in different sizes strewn all over the entryway. Rolling her eyes, May diligently organizes the hallway, tidying up shoes, backpacks and jackets that have not made it anywhere near their proper resting place. All the while, she can hear the excited screaming and shouting of her cousins in the living room playing video games.

Just as she’s hanging up the last coat, Eddie happens upon her, looking frazzled. He has little Nia in his arms and by the looks of it, she is completely passed out in her favourite uncle’s grasp. At the sight of the young woman, Eddie lets out a sigh of relief and embraces her in a one-armed hug. May is pretty sure that there is marker on his face, but she doesn’t point it out.

“Thank you, May. I was just coming to sort this out.”

May shrugs it off with a laugh.

“No worries. Looks like you’ve got your hands full anyway.”

At this, Eddie looks down at his sleeping niece, her adorable head of curls smushed into his neck and her tiny fist gripping a handful of his henley. The look on his face is so soft and fond and full of love that May can hardly stand to watch.

Leaning forward, May gently kisses the girl on the cheek so as not to wake her.

“Hi Ni-Ni. Have a good sleep,” she whispers.

Eddie and May then go their separate ways; Eddie returns to the kitchen where it’s a little bit quieter and where he can admire Buck as he cooks dinner, while May makes her way to the living room to join the chaos.

Albert is sitting on the arm of the couch and a grin lights up his face when she walks into the room. May nods in greeting and comes to stand by him. They catch up on how their university courses are going and then turn to watch the boys demolish each other at Super Smash Brothers. She loves watching the boys interact, seeing how close they’ve gotten over the years and it makes her happy to know that her little brother has lifelong friends in Denny and Christopher. Despite all the shrieking and the mad clicking of game controllers, May feels at peace.

After watching for a little while longer, May gives each of the boys’ hair a ruffle and makes her way to the kitchen. Eddie is seated at the kitchen table with Nia still nestled against his chest. He’s talking softly to Buck who stands at the counter chopping up ingredients for personal pizzas. The table is littered with drawings and art supplies where Eddie had clearly been keeping Nia entertained earlier. On the fridge, she spots a few of Christopher’s stick figure drawings – almost all of them feature a small boy with glasses and crutches, a tall brunette man and a blonde man with a red mark over his eye. One of them is proudly titled ‘My Family’ and she steps closer to read the names underneath: me, Daddy, Bucky. In the top corner, there’s an angel with brown wavy haired labelled ‘Mommy’ and May notes the giant, lopsided red heart that is smack dab in the middle of the drawing, floating tellingly over Buck and Eddie’s heads. May lets out a huff of laughter. She can’t believe her big brother is still in denial about his feelings.

Approaching said brother, May pulls an apron out of a drawer and begins tying it around her waist. She knocks shoulders with Buck in greeting. He then tips his head against hers as May grabs a knife to start helping. ‘Thank goodness Eddie is occupied with Nia,’ she thinks to herself. She would hate to have to call 9-1-1 when Eddie inevitably cut himself or someone else with the knife accidentally.

Side-by-side, the two siblings work in perfect tandem to cut up the remaining pizza toppings. All the while, Eddie and Buck continue their soft-spoken conversation with May only stopping to interject when necessary.

They talk about how Chris is doing in school and what their plans are for their next mutual day off. They make arrangements to drop Chris off at school or pick him up or take him to Abuela’s. It’s all very… married, May can’t help but think. Nevertheless, she is hesitant to interrupt lest she spoil something or make things awkward.

When the pizza toppings are all ready to go, Eddie goes about waking Nia up and getting her set up in her highchair while May and Buck clear the table and set out all the different containers. May then peeks her head into the living room and tells the boys to get washed up. She watches as they toss the game controllers aside and as Harry and Denny wordlessly work together to help Christopher up from the couch. They make their way to the bathroom, Albert keeping just close enough to provide support if Chris needs it, but not enough to infringe on his independence. It’s a skill all of them have had to learn over the years and it warms May’s heart to see that Albert has picked up on it so fast.

When everyone has finished washing up, they gather in the kitchen. Buck explains the instructions for making their own pizzas and points to ingredients spread out over the table. The boys fidget excitedly. They can hardly wait to get started. Since Eddie is busy feeding Nia, Buck, Albert and May help the younger ones get going. It’s a bit messy but the kitchen is full of joyous laughter. May can’t help but glance over Harry’s head to share a smile with Buck. The excitement is catching and May is so grateful to be a part of this.

Once the pizzas are prepared, Buck and Chris set about putting them into the oven. It won’t take long for the pizzas to bake, so they remain in the kitchen, telling jokes and sharing stories about school and extracurriculars. Albert goes to relieve Eddie of baby feeding duty and May joins him, eager to spend some more time with the only other girl in the room. Eddie starts making motions to put together his own pizza when Buck waves him aside.

“I already made you one, Eds, with all your favourites. It’s in the oven already. Just sit down and relax.”

They share a sappy smile and May tries to resist the urge to gag. It’s sickening how sweet they are.

Dinner turns out to be a relatively calm affair. Everyone is so busy stuffing their mouths with food that there isn’t much room for chatter. Then, when their bellies are stuffed full, May and Albert clear the table and wash the dishes, while Eddie and Buck get the kids settled in for a movie in the living room.

When May and Albert rejoin the group, they are not surprised to find that the living room has been turned into a fortress of sorts. Air mattresses have been blown up and the coffee table has been tucked away to make room for them. Everyone is dressed in their PJs and there are pillows and blankets galore. The lights are dimmed and on the TV screen, the title credits for Disney’s  _ The Lion King _ are paused.

Quickly, May and Albert take turns using the spare washroom to change into their own pajamas and when they’re ready, they settle in to join the cuddle pile. The boys are all seated on the air mattress together, thick as thieves. Eddie is currently lying on the chaise portion of the sectional, with Nia bouncing up and down on his knees. Buck is taking up the length of the couch, lying on his stomach to face them. His head is pillowed on Eddie’s chest as he reaches down to tickle little Nia’s tummy. They are oblivious to their shared space which again causes May to roll her eyes.

May squishes herself onto the edge of the air mattress next to Denny while Albert takes the reclining chair off to the side. With everyone settled, Buck hits ‘play’ and the movie begins.

Through the course of the movie, Eddie gets up to put Nia to bed. When he returns empty handed, he and Buck only get progressively more snuggly. May, Buck and Albert can’t resist singing along with all of the songs as they come on, causing Christopher to laugh uproariously and Eddie to smile in amusement. Harry and Denny, on the other hand, are embarrassed by their antics and cover their ears dramatically. May laughs, taking a moment to look around at all these people that she loves. She thinks about the party that she could be at but decides it doesn’t compare to this at all. There is no place she would rather be.

\---

By the time the end credits of the second movie are rolling, everyone is fast asleep except for Buck. When he gets up to shut off the television, however, May feels the air mattress shift beneath her and blinks her eyes open. She watches as Buck goes around the room collecting the now empty popcorn bowls that had made an appearance at some point.

May rubs at her eyes with the back of her hand and slowly, carefully gets up off the air mattress, trying not to wake the boys. Buck notices her and mouths an apology but May shakes her head. She searches for the remote, plucking it skillfully out of Albert’s sleeping hand and uses it to turn off the television. Then she starts switching off the lights while Buck checks the locks on the doors.

In an unspoken agreement, they meet up in the kitchen. The once lively space is now lit only by the light above the stove. Without using words, the brother and sister duo continue their silent conversation. Buck asks her if she wants something warm to drink. May says yes, gesturing to the cupboard with the hot chocolate in it. Buck flicks on the kettle and starts preparing their drinks while May agrees to check in on Nia.

When May returns (Nia having been out like a light), she has pilfered Buck’s LAFD sweatshirt from somewhere and thrown it on over top of her pajamas. Unapologetically, she sits down at the table, pulling the long sleeves over her hands and tucking her knees up inside the sweater. Buck huffs a laugh, pouring hot water into two mugs. He stirs the contents and places one on the table in front of her. Right away, May’s hands come out to wrap around the cup, soaking up the warmth.

For awhile, they sit in silence, blowing on their drinks and taking small, timid sips. Buck leafs through the pile of Nia’s drawings from earlier and snorts at some of the translations Eddie has painstakingly recorded underneath.

“Tonight was really fun,” May says suddenly, breaking the quiet. “I’m glad I came here instead of going to that party.”

Buck looks up at her, startled and slightly concerned to hear this new information.

“You were invited to a party? And you chose to come here? May,” he says, reaching across the table to touch her arm. “You could have gone. Eddie, Albert and I could have handled the kids.”

May shakes her head, giggling. Typical Buck, always trying to make the sacrifice play.

“No, no,” she explains. “I didn’t come because I thought you guys couldn’t handle it. I wanted to be here, Buck. I love these family nights – seeing all of you, hanging out together.”

Buck nods slowly, withdrawing his hand. His eyes remain squinted, however, as he clearly questions her answer.

“Are you sure?” he asks worriedly. “You know, you  _ can _ skip one every once in awhile if you have other plans. We – any of us: Hen, Chim, your parents – we’d understand.”

May smiles gently.

“I know, Buck. I just… I feel like these sleepovers are really important, you know? I mean… your guys’ jobs aren’t exactly safe and I… I just wouldn’t want to miss anything.”

Buck makes a humming noise in understanding and gives her a bittersweet smile. He knows exactly what she means. It’s why he has a hard time saying no when any of his 118 family pass invitations his way.

Trying to clear the bleak energy in the air, May pipes up with: “You know, I overheard the boys saying that their favourite Family Sleepover Nights are when they get to come to yours or Eddie’s.”

The reaction is immediate, just as May intended. Buck grins and puffs out his chest proudly, every bit the seven-year-old that he is at heart.

“Obviously! We’re young and cool,” he says in a way that May feels inclined to point out is not young and cool at all. “We’ve got DIY pizzas, Disney sing-alongs and a cuddle pile. There’s no way anyone else at the 118 is throwing better sleepovers.”

May snorts and the kitchen is quiet once more. Then, as she takes a sip of her hot chocolate, her eyes catch on Christopher’s family drawing on the fridge. She smirks into her cup.

“So…” she says not-so casually.

Buck looks up from his own mug, raising an eyebrow at the strange tone in her voice.

“So what?” he asks suspiciously, folding his arms on the table.

May grins, looking purposefully at Christopher’s drawing. Buck looks too and blushes.

“So how are things going on the Buckley-Diaz front? Are you ready to admit that you like him yet?” she asks teasingly.

May expects Buck’s typical phrases of denial; expects “we’re just friends” and “it’s not like that”; expects for Buck to roll his eyes like he always does. Instead, Buck looks down at his hot chocolate pensively. His brow furrows and he chews on his lip nervously.

Surprised, May leans forward, pulling her legs out of Buck’s sweatshirt and sitting up properly.

“Buck?” she questions faintly.

Buck swallows and takes a moment to gather his thoughts. When he looks up at her again, his blue eyes are glassy, on the brink of tears. May gasps, pulling her chair around the table to sit closer to him. She grabs his hands in hers.

“Buck, what’s wrong? What is it?” Her words come quickly, full of worry for her older brother. “You can tell me anything.”

Buck smiles weakly.

When he finally speaks, his voice is so quiet that May has to strain to hear him.

“I think… I think maybe you guys have been right all along,” he whispers, emotion flooding his voice.

May looks at the blonde sadly.

“Right about your feelings for Eddie?” she asks gently.

Buck nods, swallowing thickly for a second time.

“I think… I think maybe I do have feelings for him,” he says, eyes darting to the side anxiously.

This time, it’s May who nods.

“Of course,” she says carefully, “-but… why are you upset?”

For a moment, Buck doesn’t answer. He frowns even deeper, a crevasse beginning to form between his eyebrows.

Then, “Because!” he whispers frustratedly. “How could I be so stupid? Falling for my best friend? My straight, male best friend? I’m going to ruin everything!”

Now, it’s May’s turn to frown.

“Ruin everything?” she repeats in bewilderment. “What are you talking about Buck? Why would you ruin anything?”

May is completely puzzled by her brother’s reaction. She had not expected this conversation at all and for Buck to be so upset… it’s heartbreaking.

Buck looks back at her, tears beginning to spill over.

“Eddie’s my best friend, May, the best friend I’ve ever had. And I know that’s all he sees me as: his friend,” he says with such sincerity that May feels her heart pang sympathetically. “What if I make things weird or uncomfortable with my stupid  _ feelings _ ?” Buck says the word with a tone of disgust. “I’ll lose him – lose them both and I can’t. He and Chris mean everything to me.”

May squeezes Buck’s hands in hers.

“Buck…” she mutters gingerly.

Buck pulls his hands out of hers so that he can wipe angrily at the tears that have started to stream freely down his cheeks.

May sighs, pouting in commiseration. Leaning forward, she wraps her arms around Buck in a tight hug. Then, speaking her next words into the curve of his neck, she says honestly: “Buck, you’re not going to ruin anything, I promise. And you won’t lose them. Eddie loves you. He’s not going to reject you and he would never hurt you.”

Buck hugs her back just as tightly.

“You don’t know that, May,” he mumbles under his breath.

Immediately, May jerks back, her hands firmly planted on Buck’s shoulders as she stares at him from arm’s length.

“What? Buck, I  _ do _ know that,” she says sternly. “Evan Buckley, Eddie is  _ in love _ with you. I am as sure of that fact as I am that Mom and Bobby love each other, or Auntie Hen and Aunt Karen, or Chimney and Maddie… Eddie loves you, Buck. The same way you love him.”

Buck rolls his eyes petulantly and pulls away, crossing his arms over his chest, as if to protect his heart from her untruthful words.

“And how would you know?” he asks sarcastically.

May sputters.

“B-because! Are you kidding me, Buck?” she asks with a touch of hysteria. “Buck. Eddie would do anything for you – has done anything for you! The two of you are so inseparable it’s like you’re already married. All night, he made googly eyes at you while you prepared dinner which – by the way – you didn’t even have to do because it’s Eddie’s sleepover night, not yours. All the while, the two of you made plans to spend all your free time together and discussed Christopher’s schedule for the week like the co-parents you are. You knew what kind of pizza Eddie wanted without even asking and you made it for him without saying a word. You snuggled up together on the couch for the duration of two whole movies. For God’s sake, Buck, I got your LAFD sweatshirt out of his damn closet!” May swears heatedly.

Buck is helpless to do anything but blink at her in response. The tears and frustration had disappeared at some point during her tirade. Ducking his head, he scratches the base of his skull sheepishly.

“Really?” he asks in a way that May refuses to acknowledge is adorable. “You really think Eddie likes me back?”

May rolls her eyes and takes a calming breath.

“Yes, you idiot. The two of you are so in love with each other it’s disgusting.”

The look on Buck’s face is practically giddy and though May cannot believe how ridiculous her big brother is, she does feel relieved now that he’s longer crying. Scooching her chair back to where it was before, May resumes drinking what is left of her hot chocolate.

There is a moment of silence as the two siblings come down from the frenzied emotions of their discussion.

“You know,” Buck says, catching her attention, “-speaking of googly eyes, I did notice Albert making them at  _ you  _ all night.”

May feels her cheeks warm just slightly. She had noticed too and she would be lying if she said she hadn’t been thinking of Albert more often as of late. In her mind, she admits to being conflicted about her current feelings regarding boys. On the one hand, she’s had a major crush on Caleb (from school) for months now. On the other hand, her and Albert have been getting much closer. Caleb is attractive and kind but at times, May feels that he’s so out of reach. Meanwhile, Albert is like family. He’s cute and supportive and he is good with the kids. He’s a smooth talker too and his subtle flirting has been known to catch her off guard.

“I… I know,” she says thoughtfully. “I’m… I’m still thinking about it.”

Buck accepts her answer with a simple nod. He doesn’t push her to say more, trusting that she’ll come to him when she’s ready, which she’s grateful for. As they swallow the last dregs of their hot chocolate, Buck reaches out to take her mug and rinses them both out in the sink. May stands in the doorway, observing as Buck tidies up. She’s just about to turn around and get back into bed when Buck catches up to her and grabs her arm. May pauses, looking up at him questioningly.

“Hey May?” he whispers, pulling her into his arms. “Thank you… for what you said about me and Eddie. I appreciate it.” He presses a gentle kiss into her hair.

May smiles genuinely and burrows into her big brother’s chest.

“Of course,” she says. “Now, you can pay me back by not taking so long to get your man,” she adds with a wink.

Buck flushes and then scoffs, pushing her away jokingly.

Nonetheless, she hears him mutter: “I’ll try not to.”

The two say goodnight, heading to their respective sleeping places. As May sits down on the air mattress next to Denny, she sneaks a glance at Buck as he climbs onto the couch behind her. Unaware that he’s being watched, Buck braces himself on his elbows and gazes down at Eddie’s sleeping face with a head-over-heels smile. Buck admires the brunette for a moment longer, seemingly memorizing his best friend’s features. Then, he shakes himself out of his trance and turns onto his side, inching up the couch so that his head is pillowed on Eddie’s shoulder. She shakes her own head in disbelief and settles down into the air mattress.

As May pulls the blanket up under her chin, she can’t help but think about how grateful she is for her family, for these people that are not related to her by blood but who she loves deeply nonetheless. She has no regrets whatsoever about missing the party, about missing an opportunity to talk to some boy from school. There will be other parties and other opportunities and for now, there is no place she would rather be.

_ Fin. _

**Author's Note:**

> I just want to say thank you to everyone who encouraged me to get this fic finished. It has been the bane of my existence for over a month now and I appreciate everyone that has been on this journey with me.


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